[1950 words]
Florian does the hardest thing he's ever had to, and Aster picks some daisies.
(A piece for Florian and Aster's anniversary!)
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One foot in front of the other, head down the usual patrol route. Walk around the garden on the designated path, return to the post, and keep watch. It's easy.
"Ah! Florian!" A cheery voice and the rustling of pages suddenly makes the job much harder. Florian picks up the pace, keeping his eyes straight ahead, his face entirely neutral. Don't look, don't speak, don't do anything you haven't been told to.
"Florian." Metal gently hitting against metal, the garden chair has been pushed in, bumping into the table. Walk faster, eyes ahead. He can hear their hurried footsteps behind him, struggling to keep up with his longer stride. "Why are you ignoring me?!" Their voice is not cheerful anymore.
He lets a thousand words die in his throat before they ever make it up to his lips. Because I want to be good, because you make me feel things I shouldn't, because I'm scared, because-
Florian freezes completely as he feels a gentle tug on his long sleeve. He can't stop his eyes from glancing over, at their face.
Aster- They're tearing up. He feels like ice is crystalizing inside of him, in his veins, his throat, his lungs... They're about to cry, he has made them feel like crying.
"You've been ignoring me for days! Did I do something wrong? Aren't we friends?" Their voice cracks, they don't let their eyes leave his for even a second.
That shine of tears in their eyes, it feels worse than every training mistake he's ever made, it makes him want to make any foolish, rash decision in the world that would make that sadness fade away. It's dangerous, how much he wants them to smile, isn't it? Dangerous, he repeats that word in his mind until he is able to say something other than a choked apology.
"...I am on duty. I must continue my patrol route."
"Talk to me!" The tears slip from their eyes now, their grip tightens. "Actually talk to me! If you don't want to see me again, then say that right now, and I'll go!"
That's it then, isn't it? Florian's options, laid out before him as plainly as possible. His opportunity to be a good knight, to bury those hidden feelings forever, to have it all go back to the way it used to be... Here it was, he simply had to say it. It should be easy, yes? Just a few words.
"I-" Want you to go, want you to go, want you to go. Finish the sentence, force the words out, do not think about how it will make them feel. Do not think about how it will make you feel. You do not feel. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't- I-"
All the wrong words come out, along with tears. He desperately covers his face, perhaps he can will the tears away, perhaps they didn't even see them. Perhaps he can pretend he's not being weak.
"Hey, hey... Florian." Aster's voice is immediately soft, hiding shock with gentle compassion. They've never seen him cry before, he can't remember the last time he cried. "Let's go to our spot, okay? C'mon, we can talk this out, can't we?"
It sounds too nice to possibly resist, to sit with them in their usual spot, to figure this out... Even if it means he is a bad knight, a bad angel, he can't bring himself to say no. He walks with Aster, still covering his face, he knows every part of this garden, even without his full sight. Better to hide his tears than to see clearly.
He can hear them sit down in the grass, and he follows suit. Their usual spot, a hidden area between many bushes and trees, barely enough room to sit. This was where Aster had shown him their poetry for the first time. The place where they had trusted him enough to put their very future in his hands, and had done it with a carefree smile.
"Can you tell me what's going on?"
"I do not wish to break the rules, and so, I am attempting to avoid you." That's the easiest way to explain it, without saying it all. Without taking his very heart out, right here and now. He does not know if he is strong enough for that, if he can ever be as strong as Aster is.
"...Do you think my poetry writing is gonna rub off on you?" Aster wipes their eyes and gives him a little grin. Even now, they're trying to be lighthearted, to joke, to make him smile. "It's not contagious, I promise."
"It has nothing to do with the rules that you are breaking." He finally manages to uncover his face, having calmed himself enough in order to staunch the flow of tears. "And I cannot think of a single way to go about this where I both interact with you, and continue to be a good knight."
"...Mm." Aster looks down, running their fingers gently over the many little flowers that pop up from the grass all around them. "Okay. If that's true, then what? Are we done?" Their tone implies that they do not necessarily believe it is true.
Florian looks to those little flowers, how gently they touch the petals, as if they might shatter under their fingers otherwise. “I don’t know. I thought it would be easier if I avoided you. Things would simply go back to how they were before I met you,” he explains, his voice quiet. “But, all I could do was think about how much I missed our talks. …It hurt.”
“It hurt me too, to just have you ignore me,” Aster says, stopping their fingers on one flower in particular. “I thought I did something wrong. Or… or you were going to report me for breaking the rules.”
Oh. Of course they thought that, how could he be so foolish? Who wouldn’t think that in this circumstance? He had been so caught up in his own fears, he didn’t even realize theirs.
“You must’ve felt terrified.”
“Mm. Lonely, mostly.” Aster shrugs their shoulders. “…There was some fear though, yeah.”
“I…” Florian thinks for a moment. A thousand ways to apologize, and none of them seemed right. “I will never report you. I swear it.” More, that’s not enough. “And, I am sorry I made you feel lonely, and scared. I did not do my duty as your friend, I did not think of your feelings.” More, one more…
He can’t. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Aster waits for several seconds, staring at his expression, at the way he clearly is fighting to say something else. Their response is simple, they pluck the flower they were touching out of the ground, and press it into Florian’s hand.
“You know what flower this is, right?”
He stares down at the white petals surrounding the little yellow center. Two layers of petals, indicating a composite flower.
“It is a daisy.”
“Do you remember what daisies mean?” Their voice is patient and soft. Aster had been teaching him these flower meanings. Florian had been doing his best to memorize them, to read about it even when they didn’t speak. He wanted to impress them, to show that he could learn about this thing they enjoyed.
“Well, every flower has several meanings. But, the one you told me about specifically… It meant ‘I can keep a secret’, did it not?” He didn’t understand why they were quizzing him on this now, of all times.
“Yep. …And I just gave it to you, Florian.” They add the last bit when they see the confusion on his face. “I’m telling you, whatever it is, whatever rule you’re scared of breaking, it’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. You can trust me.”
“It is not as if I am worried that you will report me. That would be hypocritical of you,” Florian states, and Aster can’t help but laugh at the bluntness of it. “I am simply worried that saying it will make it real. Then it’s not just thinking, then I am truly breaking the rules.”
“Aren’t you already doing that by letting me break the rules?” Aster tilts their head to the side. “You’re already a rule breaker, we’re already in this together.”
He wishes that thought upset him more, but all he can think about is how they said that they’re in this together. Somehow, it almost completely defangs the idea of breaking the rules, as long as Aster is with him, if they’re keeping each other’s secrets.
Almost.
“I’m sorry for making you cry.” He has to go back to that, to avoid the main topic of discussion.
“It’s okay. We’re all good,” Aster says gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. They then just stare, waiting for him to actually say what has been causing all this. Ah, they’re not going to let him end the conversation here, are they?
“…Is there any way we can pretend this did not happen?”
“I’d be sad if we did that.”
So it was impossible to get out of this without admitting it. He couldn’t bear to make them sad again, saying what he needed to would be easy in comparison to seeing them cry again.
"I have developed feelings for you." He lets the words tumble out of his mouth before his mind can catch up, before his fear and shame can stop him. He glances to Aster, seeing that they don't look shocked, horrified, disgusted with him... Nothing. They're just smiling. He must've not explained it well enough, they must not understand. "...Romantic ones," he elaborates, but that doesn't change their expression either.
"You had me so worried." Aster lets out a laugh, and all of a sudden their arms are around him, and they're so close. "Florian! Why didn't you just tell me that from the start?"
Florian is confused, he's speechless, he's completely frozen. It doesn't make any sense, why are they acting as if this is no big deal? Did he not explain himself properly? That must be it, he must have not used the right words.
"No, I... I don't think you understand!" He tries to ignore the warmth rushing to his face. They feel warm, they're so close, they're smiling so wide. "Aster, I have fallen for you!" He waits for them to react poorly, they have to, nothing else makes sense.
"Yeah, I understand." Aster's wings spread ever so slightly, the feathers all fluffing up. "I feel the same, Florian. I'm so happy you told me."
Oh. Oh! It was that simple? It could be that simple? They were happy? They had been feeling the same?
"...Oh man, you were really struggling with all this, huh?" Aster reaches a hand up, gently touching his cheek. He thinks that their smile must be hurting their cheeks at this point. How in the world could they treat this so casually?
Well, that was a silly question. It was Aster. They marched to the beat of their own drum. The rules of Heaven could never hold them back. They must've been the bravest angel he ever met.
Florian stiffly lifts his arms and bends them, returning the hug that Aster initiated. The movement is awkward at first, but as soon as he's actually hugging them, it feels as natural as flying.
"How are you feeling?" Aster stares up at him, still resting their hand on his cheek. They sound ever so slightly worried, unclear on how internally conflicted he still was. But, how could he be? Like this, in their arms, there's only one possible answer.
"I'm happy."